The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
