also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
