you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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