I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
