She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
