we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
