My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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