Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
