3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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