I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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