JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
