i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
