so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The best revenge is premature balding
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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