I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
