She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I want is dick and wine.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
