so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
