hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
there is glitter all over my balls
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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