too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
