I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
