can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
