I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
