you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
