You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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