He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
