God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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