quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
