I'm pants shitting drunk right now
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
