Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
