So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
