can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
