I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
