Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
