doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
