I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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