I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
