all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
