so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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