youre lurking in front of me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We need to get me chipped asap
All the doctor said was why
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
