How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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