News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In other news, I just burned my penis
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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