Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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