You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
