My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Buhtt sex?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
