im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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