Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
