so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
