I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
