yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
