dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
