it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
