what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
