I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
