I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
