A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
